Your (Dangerous) First Thought
“I find for myself that my first thought is never my best thought,” wrote William Deresiewicz in his essay Solitude and Leadership. Making business decisions and implementing them takes judgement, a sense of context, and a deep understanding of the customer needs. Yet, we live in a world of constant distractions and deadlines. Shane Parrish, a former Canadian spy and author, recalled some advice from former colleague who said “most people don’t actually think. They just take their first thought and go.” In our fast-paced world, it is easy to fall into this trap. Here are three reasons why it is critical to avoid this temptation.
Much like a first impressions, first thoughts can be wrong. Deresiewicz essay continued, “My first thought is always someone else’s; it’s always what I’ve already head about a subject, always the conventional wisdom.” If we are honest, we know that our first thoughts can be fraught with bias of all types. They can reflect your poor or exceptional upbringing, the opinions of your first boss, or perhaps most dangerously, what you have heard about this subject in news bytes on social media. Certainly not the well-considered opinions of someone who took the time to think it through and respond. Hollywood has played off this theme with movies like Liar Lair, What Women Want, What Men Want, or even the television series, Zoe’s Extraordinary Playlist (which has an awesome soundtrack). These plots play with the idea that a person’s inner thoughts would be vocalized or public. I know I am very thankful my first thoughts are not printed in a cartoon speech bubble above my head (“Are you kidding me?” would be a frequent caption, I suppose, which come to find out, isn’t a helpful question). And if first thoughts aren’t always fit for print, why are first thoughts considered appropriate for action?
Responses are a choice. Reactions are lizard behavior. I once had a wise mentor tell me that he could choose whether or not to respond, but he had chosen not to react to a piece of bad news. An email from a frustrating colleague or news of a long-awaited product award can elicit an emotional response. You can’t help it. Deep in your brain are those primitive survival instincts that elicit aggression and fear. What Seth Godin calls the “pre-historic lump near your brain stem” is well developed, super fast, and is often your first thought. But, sadly, it can’t tell the difference between a convincing negotiation or someone actually trying to twist your arm. But you can choose to resist the reptilian and appeal to your higher thoughts, if you give yourself a moment to reflect. You can catch yourself awash in fear or anger and choose not to “hit” send on the flaming email, but rather to respond (or not). It is only through response that you can achieve your objectives. Because lizards never ask themselves “what do you really want?”
Zooming out takes time. In the land of three-dimensional perspective, you can avoid accidents that are inevitable in the 2D world of first thoughts. You need to be able to “zoom out” on the situation to determine what you really want to accomplish, what resources you really have to work with, and what the second-degree consequences might be of a decision. I generally don’t have much time, so I rely on checklists. If they are good enough for fighter pilots and surgeons, I figure they will work for me. I keep a post-it note next to my desk that reads “Ask another question.” This is a reminder to me not to jump to a solution when I don’t fully understand the problem. I am not sure what your question might be, but they work. The question serves not only as a reminder to slow down and consider how you are showing up, but also because questions engage the rest of your brain. Just like doing math or a puzzle in the morning helps you wake up. Once engaged, you may find the bias easier to interrupt and the right response easier to access.